Bilder im Kopf²⁰²⁴

This movie consists of all the images of my father in my head: His illness. My fear of it. The memory of me sitting on his lap and drawing birds in his architectural plans. The wish that some things had never happened. The unnamed standing in the corner. Playing Scopa and winning once. The fear of losing too much. The feeling of having to protect myself. The feeling of having to protect him. The hope of eventually getting to a feeling where no one needs protection anymore. Bilder im Kopf began as an attempt to tell my father's story and understand his mental illness. But it soon became clear that it was also about me and how I deal with his illness. The film is less a portrait than an examination of my own. The film questions the boundaries between sick and healthy, right and wrong, strange and familiar and tries to make a utopia a reality.